Puh-Rum-Pum-Pum-Post-Game Results for 2013

Not Marie, Though
Not Marie, though. (Credit: Susan Campbell Beachy)

The wish begins with such a beautiful sentiment, as wishes often do. The author is well-nigh selfless with paper, toner, and whatever labor was required to affix the holiday message to one of the subway-entrance signs for New York’s Times Square station. Suzi, Lou Lou, and Laura should have a Merry Christmas.

Not Marie, though.

There’s even an exclamation point to mark that dark desire with vitriolic enthusiasm.

Poor Marie, as LDBCer Susan Campbell Beachy, who took that photo once and then went back a second time to make sure she had the best shot she could get, said.

Poor Marie.

In this thing of ours, this mad dash toward daylight with the beat of the bullying Boy badgering us from behind, we are either survivors, or we are Marie. And with the nearly 700 of you dear, dear people who reported in, it looks like 75 percent of us fell in the latter camp this year. (I take it to be a representative sample and extrapolate because, hey—what do you want from me?)

Hundreds of Maries with tragic tales to tell. And a quarter of us with tired smiles of victory.

We did have our high points, to be sure. I won for the first time in four years, while Mrs. LDBC racked up her third-straight “W.” (She says she’s telling the truth. And I, for one, believe her.) We picked up a link from the CBS News site and appeared on the weekend edition of Good Day Sacramento not once, not twice, but three times. (The third one wasn’t posted. I think I may have had something in my teeth.)

And we grew from a high of 1,180 last year to a high of 1,830 on the Facebook page this year. To which I lift a glass of Pappy (yes, I was lucky enough to stumble onto some before it became all the rage), salute you with a hearty “huzzah!” and give to you these results. As always, if you see any mistakes, please comment or send feedback to let us know. And if you don’t see your name here on The Wall, it’s not too late to fill out the form. I won’t change the stats (I’m not that ambitious), but I’ll be happy to add you.

As I say every year, LDBCers, beneath this wiseass facade lurks a wiseass interior with coursing blood pumped by a wiseass heart. But deep within the core, I’m a sentimental fool. And the fact that so many of you show up and take this ridiculous-though-sacred game into your lives, don headphones, and terrorize your children just because I created a Facebook page and a blog never fails to make our holiday.

We mean that sincerely, me and the missus, and we hope you keep coming back and bringing friends and loved ones to share in the joy, stress, and terror. We’ll see you in November.

Puh-rum-pum-pum-pum, people.

Even you, Marie.

The Quick and the Dead

2013 LDBC Winners and Losers

Source: LDBC Analytics, Inc.

Song Sung Blue

LDBC Homicidal Artist Breakdown

Source: LDBC Analytics, Inc. (click chart for full-sized version)

Here Is Where the Story Ends

LDBC Place of Demise, by Type

Source: LDBC Analytics, Inc. (click chart for full-sized version)

LDBC-Elfies: Tragedy and Triumph Captured

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Hannah Mellicker Bradford’s sister at the moment of her demise

LDBCer Tales from the Trenches

Emily Artruc – L

My first year participating in LDBC, dashed by my own mother.

Susan Beachy – L

Libraries suck.

Deb Campbell – L

Taken down while waiting for my annual mammogram. ‘Cause I was already having such a great day.

Sue Carkner – L

Last Christmas, my brother, developmentally delayed and very ill, found out that I did not have copies of many of the Christmas songs he loved. He insisted—insisted—on giving me copies of his entire collection. Hundreds of songs, many of them horrible. We laughed for hours, as he kept scrolling through his music files on the computer and finding more. He’d triumphantly announce each new addition to my collection. The more I complained, the more he was spurred on to find every last sentimental piece of schmaltz lurking in the dusty corners of his collection.

A few months later, he died, and this is our first Christmas without him. Every song I complained about when he added it to the collection is my new favourite, because it reminds me of him. He didn’t have much, but he had his music, and he just couldn’t resist sharing it with me.

It took less than 24 hours for my brother’s Christmas mix to slay me with the Johnny Cash version of “The Little Drummer Boy.” He would have laughed himself stupid to see my reaction to being taken out of the LDB Challenge in my own home. I can hear his laughter in my head right now. I lost the Challenge, but it was totally worth it.

David Christian – L

A two year streak ended by NPR! I want my pledge money back.

Nora Debenedetto – L

Pa rum pum pum fail.

Molly H – L

I yelled, “Crap!” in a room of 150 under-10s.

Holly Melton – L

I heard it while going through a box of vintage postcards, one of my favorite pastimes. I was gazing at a colorized postcard from the early 1900s. On the front was a girl in a sailor dress in front of a huge pink hydrangea bush. On the back someone had hand-written one sentence: “Isn’t this great?” No, unknown now-dead person. No, it isn’t. I just heard “The Little Drummer Boy.”

Evelyn Peck (Mother LDBC) – L

My son forced me to do this even though I was not registered in this contest!!!!!!!

Linda Renzulli – L

Here I was being an angel of mercy, flying from Idaho to San Francisco to babysit my grandchildren because my son-in-law has just had his fifth heart attack in a year. Here comes Grandma to the rescue, and I get taken out by that rotten little bastard. Fuck it—I need a drink.

Deb Roby – L

From that point forward, the night was cursed. The sprinkles turned to hard rain as I walk to my car. My team was embarrassed in its basketball game. I had both indigestion and insomnia.

Laura Sigman – L

I got taken out while buying meatballs. I am a vegetarian. I got what I deserved.

Eileen Siple – L

I’ve been encouraging my daughter to find a job—and then, on the way to a job interview, the song comes on the radio. That’s what I get for encouraging my daughter to grow up and become a productive member of society.

Julia Skochko – L

Even eggnog rice pudding and zesty Cuban flatbread taste like ashes in one’s mouth after such a horror. [Full version here.]

Jack Taylor – L

I almost drove into a freeway abutment. That song is as dangerous to drivers as texting.

George Timms – L

Everything is fucking terrible and Christmas is ruined.

Pieter Van Noordennen – L

Like so many New York gubernatorial candidates, I, too, was a victim of social media.

The Victorious and the Vanquished: The LDBC Wall

Name Result
Aczon, Evan W
Adams, Christoph W
Addison, Libby W
Ahern, Sylvia W
Ajdukiewicz, Jeremy W
Albans, Dylan L
Allmer, Christina W
Alsdorf, Greggory L
Ammerman, Amy W
Anastasia, Shandielle L
Anderson, Susan L
Andrews, Shamela W
Angier, Cynthia L
Antonelli, Lisa L
Archer, John L
Arick, Susan L
Arkenberg, Rebecca L
Arlauckas, Regina L
Artruc, Emily L
Artruc, Tessa L
Austin, Karen L
Ayer, Katy L
B, Kristen L
Baker, Jamie L
Barish, Mike L
Barker, Craig L
Barnes, Gypsy L
Barnes, Jennifer L
Barnett, James W
Barry, Sally W
Bartels, Mary W
Bassi, Laura L
Bauer, Renee W
Beachy, Susan L
Beals, Andrew L
Beebe, Gillian L
Bergtraum, Lisa L
Bernal, Victoria L
Berndt, Nicci L
Bertsche, Katie L
Biando, Becky L
Birkhead, Andrew L
Blanchard, Jan L
Bloss, Amy L
Boardman-Burnette, Lisa L
Bonnet, Gordon L
Booth, Brendon L
Borck, Jeffrey W
Boschee, Lynne L
Boyle, Keri L
Brabec, Kellie L
Braganza, Desiree W
Braine, Bill L
Bremer, Grant W
Brewer, Lauren W
Brilz, Erik L
Brodsky, Pamela W
Broner, Jacqueline L
Brown, Charles L
Brown, Mary Jo W
Brown, Loulie L
Brown, Ben L
Burbank, Valentina L
Burchill, Hannah L
Burek, Julie L
Bures, Debra W
Burman, Kim W
Burnand, Lisa L
Burns, Margo L
Butkiewicz, Christine L
Butler, Neil W
Butler, Geoff L
Byrne, Brian L
C, Christy L
Cademan, Captain L
Campbell, Deb L
Campbell, Carolynn L
Campbell, Kat W
Capers, Cindy L
Cardenas, Mary W
Carkner, Sue L
Carroll, Lacey L
Carter, Mary Alice L
Cartoon, Cathy L
Cascio, Jessica W
Caston, Casey L
Cazares, George L
Cedergreen, Ellen L
Chamberlain, Jill L
Chandler, Trey L
Chilson, Dawn W
Christensen, Julie W
Christian, David L
Cicero, Morgan L
Cicero, Donna L
Clark, M L
Clevenger, Carey L
Cochran, Gloria L
Cockrell, Joe L
Cohen, Jay L
Connelly, Irene L
Connolly, Cyndi W
Conway, Nancy L
Cooper, Carrie L
Cooper, Karen W
Copass, Michael L
Coppock, Annie L
Cortez, A.J. W
Counts-Tabor, Deb L
Cox, Anna W
Craig, David W
Crane, Susan L
Crawford, Mindy L
Cretin9, Smokey L
Crosby, Tyler L
Crowe, Jessie W
Crowley, Joseph L
Cummins, Jean L
Cummins, Kirsten L
Cunningham, Stephanie L
Curtis, Tammy W
Damigella, Rick L
Damigella, Lisa W
Danforth, Mary Beth W
Dark, Stephanie L
Dashnaw, Rob L
Davis, Tonya L
Davis, Jonathan L
De Lis, Tara W
Deangelo, Keri L
Debenedetto, Nora L
Decastro-Lobisser, Rena W
Decastro-Lobisser, Rena W
Delange, Lisa L
Delgado, Jennifer L
Denchy, Ruth Ann L
Devine, Roger W
Diamond, Joshua W
Didomizio, Joseph W
Dixon, Jen L
Dixon, Matt L
Dobrinski, Rebecca L
Dominguez, Laura L
Dost, Andy L
Doty, Amy W
Douglas, Kim L
Dowd, James L
Downing, Angela L
Doyle, Eamon W
Drake, Megan L
Durish, Tiffany L
Durso, Elizabeth L
Dushane, Melissa L
Duthie, Holly L
Eckert-Chu, Corrin W
Edwards, Tanya W
Egleton, Simon W
Ellis, Stephanie L
England, Laura L
Epperson, Corey W
Esenwein, Silke L
Espinosa, Andi L
F, Dustin L
F., Shannon L
Falk, Harris L
Farrell, Thomas L
Farrelly, Steve L
Farrington, Kelly W
Fayerman, Jessica W
Feehan, Holly L
Feeney, James L
Fermenich, Justin L
Finkelstein, Elizabeth W
Finnegan, Sheila L
Fiore, Tony L
Fischer, Molly L
Fisher, Stella L
Fisher, Kerry L
Fitter, Fawn W
Flickinger, Megan W
Flinn, Amanda W
Fox, Lizzie L
Franck, Judith W
Frank, Zilpha L
Frank, Libby W
Franz, Amanda L
Freeland, Heather L
Friedman, Leeann L
Friedman, Steve L
Friedman, Jon L
Friedman, Cheryl L
Froemming, Kelly L
G, Cathy L
Gaither, Daigan W
Galbos, Robyn W
Galles, Jill W
Ganey, Sara L
Gannon, Aaron L
Ganz, Claudia L
Gary, Lee L
Gates, Karen L
Geeky, Mister W
Geier, Ted L
Giaimo, Daniel L
Giangrande, Tina L
Ginsberg, Mike W
Goin, Renee L
Goldfarb, David L
Gomolchak, Matt L
Gooch, Steve L
Goodman, Nate L
Gott, Adam W
Grady, Robert W
Grassdottir, Evalena W
Green, Megan L
Gregg, Holly W
Grieve, Kelly L
Griffin, Karen L
Griffiths, Amanda W
Gripman, Jen L
Gripman, Stuart W
Gualtieri, Jessika L
Guthrie, Caroline L
Guzman, Diana L
H, Molly L
H, Lisa L
H, C L
Hadis, Mattski L
Hagel, Kate L
Haglund, Cat L
Hailey, Meredith L
Hallstrom, Kyle L
Hamill, Justin L
Han, Esta W
Hanft, Lila L
Hansen, Will L
Hardy, Susan L
Harrell, James L
Harvey, Larisa L
Haskiell, Joleen L
Hatch, Rollie L
Hauman, Brandy W
Hauser, Jim L
Hawn, Matthew W
Hddn, Jeff L
Hearn, Rachel W
Heineman, James L
Heineman, Lisa W
Helfen, Rob L
Heller, Amos W
Hendrickson, Kathy L
Herrington, Betsy L
Hight, Brian L
Hill, Michael L
Hilligoss, Amy L
Hockett, Rachel L
Hoke, Donna L
Holmes, Leslie And Ben W
Houlihan, Christopher L
Howell, Nancy L
Hubbard, Nathan L
Humphreys, Mary L
Hunewell, Chris L
Hunt, Melinda L
Huntley, Kristen W
Husted, Cate L
Hyland, Mary Pat L
Inman, Mike W
Jackson, Devan L
Jacobson, Meredith W
Janes, Joel L
Jarett, Jennifer W
Jarvis, Jim L
Jeromin, Amanda W
Jess, Dave W
Jimenez, Abbie L
Jo, Debbie L
Johnson, Brian L
Johnson, Barb W
Jones, Matt W
Jones, Karen W
Judge, Serena L
Juhala, Jeff L
Juncker, Chandra W
Kahwaty, Ethan L
Kahwaty, Cole L
Kahwaty, Sabrina L
Kakos, Kristen W
Kalinowski, Tricia L
Kasler, Jo L
Katzman, Jessica L
Kellogg, Krisandra W
Kelly, Courtney L
Kelly, Kevin L
Kemp, Adam L
Kenfield, Micah L
Kief, Kristen L
Kief, Tom L
Kilgore, Addie W
Killian, Raenna W
Killingsworth, Marcia W
Kincaid, Jaime W
King, Kjell L
Kittin, Prairie L
Kittrell, Amanda L
Klaene, Chris L
Klym, Dave L
Kraiger, Michael L
Kranyak, Margaret L
Kukulski, Scott L
Kunz, Nicole L
Lachnit, Carroll L
Lange, Amanda L
Larrow, Gina W
Lawrence, Jamie W
Leavitt, Allen L
Leclair, Joe W
Lefton, Sarah W
Leo, Jennifer W
Lerner, Mark L
Leschen, Caryn L
Levine, J. W
Liao, Jena L
Linder, Gretchen L
Lindsey, Kimberly W
Lindsey, Dave W
Linger, Maria L
Lisa, Lisa L
Lockley, Erin L
Loechner, Kevin W
Loeffler, Carolyn L
Loh, Shirley L
Long, Michael L
Long, Michael L
Luczy, Rebecca L
Lutz, Ericka W
Lyle, Steve W
Lynch-Kohn, Vicky W
Lysne, Lisa L
M, Lisa L
M, Jenn L
M, Julia L
Macdonald, Angus L
Macedo, Barbra L
Macellaio, Matt L
Mackinnon, Bryn W
Maddox, Lauren L
Madison, Anne L
Mae, Jenny L
Mahoney, Joe W
Maier, John L
Manson, Tycho L
Maratas, Vicki L
Marracco, Muffy L
Martin, Adrienne L
Maruca, Joseph L
Masek, Shelli L
Maus, Tara L
Mayo, Josephine L
Mc, Charly W
Mcclough, Seahare W
Mccracken, Rebecca L
Mccraw, Bethany L
Mcdowell-King, Stacy L
Mcgrath, Lauren W
Mcguire, Matt L
Mchen, Sean L
Mcintyre, Chris L
Mckay, Carol L
Mcmanus, Carole L
Mcnutt, Carol W
Medina, Patricia L
Meister, Erin L
Melle, Vivialadocious L
Melton, Holly L
Merk, Lara L
Mewha, Darren L
Michals, Rebecca L
Miera, Tom L
Miller, Don And Marcia W
Miller, Barb W
Milner, Andrew L
Mirenda, Kristen L
Missandrea, Bumper L
Moers, Christine L
Moilanen, Kristin L
Moore, Fernanda L
Morigeau, Christopher L
Morrison, Amy L
Morrison, Cathy L
Morrow, Melissa L
Murphy, Roy W
N, Melissa L
N, Melanie L
N, Lori L
Nadeau, Robin L
Nailen, William L
Nameche, Michael L
Nelson, Terri L
Nelson, Danielle L
Neufeld, Jonathan L
Nickerson, Catherine L
Noel, Morgan L
Nolan, Mike L
Nordstrom, Elizabeth L
Northend, Desiree W
O., Chad L
O’Brien, Nancy W
O’Connor, Sean L
Oehlmann, Peggy L
Olson, Julie L
Oman, Ilisa L
Orr, Amy L
Ostrow, Rachel W
Oswalt, Sandi W
Patchett, Brian L
Patton, Sheryl L
Peck, Denise L
Peck, Mom L
Peck, Larry W
Peck, Michael W
Pedersen, Susie Perry W
Pelletier, Sharon L
Penn, Mary L
Pentasuglia, Merribeth L
Peters, Toni-Maree L
Petit, Marianne L
Petrillo, Sophia L
Phelps, Tracy L
Phillips, Paul L
Pohl, Julianne L
Pojman, Amy L
Poling, Fred L
Polk, Christopher L
Porter, Brett L
Prentice, Kim L
Prentice, David L
Purvis, Shonda L
R, Debbie L
R, Alyssa L
Radding, Reuben W
Radke, M.J.J. L
Rainey, Jerome L
Rakkasah, Heather W
Range, Jennifer L
Ray, J. W
Reardon-Mulhall, Suzanne W
Reed, Tammey W
Reichman, Dana W
Reiss, Randy L
Renfro, Rebecca L
Rensel, Terry W
Renzulli, Linda L
Retzlaff, Denise L
Reynolds, Amanda L
Reznek, Karen W
Ringue, Edward L
Rivera, Susie L
Roberts, Laurie L
Robichaux, Julie W
Robinson, Nancy L
Robinson, Michelle L
Roby, Deb L
Rogal, Dawn L
Rogers-Walker, Deanna L
Rollans, Scott L
Rose, Johanna Maria W
Rose, Mandy L
Rosen, Peg L
Rosen, Lee L
Rosenthal, Pony L
Ross, Andrew L
Ross, Dale W
Ross, Sherri W
Roth, Amy L
Ruggiero, Megan W
Runde, Jenny L
Russell, Kat L
Ruzich, Christian L
S, D.B. L
S, Stephanie L
S, Heath L
Sabbath, Mickey W
Sacchetti, Valerie L
Sadofsky, Alyson L
Sales, Hillarie L
Salvador, Phil L
Samaras, Isabel L
Samson, Phil L
Samuelson, Jenny W
Samuelson, Michael W
Savitz, Scott L
Sawalich, Bill L
Sawalich, Shelley L
Sawyer, Megan W
Scarlato, Tracy L
Scheer, Alttara W
Schoenholz, Elon W
Schubauer, Heather L
Schultz, Shirley L
Schwartz, Joseph W
Schwinke, Theo L
Sciullo, Allison L
Scott, Chris L
Seamone, Jeannie L
Seaver, W.A. L
Sebrell, Cheryl L
Segall, Margaret L
Senner, Lissa L
Shap, Pattern L
Shapp, Pattern L
Shea, Kelly L
Shengold, Nina L
Sheppard, Jacob L
Sheridan, Clare L
Shollenberger, Lee Ann L
Short, Jeff W
Shortridge, Nina L
Shrader, Andrew L
Shupe, Tara L
Sigman, Laura L
Silas, Barbara L
Sinclair, Shauna L
Siple, Eileen L
Sisk, Ashli W
Skochko, Julia L
Slice, Brendizzle L
Smith, Jana L
Smith, Shannon L
Smith, Dan W
Smith, Matthew W
Smith, Cindi L
Smith, Tracy L
Smy, Phil L
Smyth, Ann L
Snap, Ginger W
Snell Nachtsheim, Joyce L
Snyder, Bill L
Solliday, Joanne W
Somers, D L
Sorenson, Greg L
Speights, Elizabeth W
Spreen, Tom L
Spring, Nomy W
Stern, Lexi L
Stevens, Andy L
Stickley, Aileen L
Stiffler, Dee L
Strange, Jinx W
Stroud, Stormy L
Sullivan, Jim L
Sullivan, David L
Sullivan, Rebecca L
Sullivan, Jason W
Summer, Esther W
Summer, Esther W
Sussman, Anne L
Swartzell, Steve W
Sweeney, Ginia L
Swift, Lys L
Talley, Jennifer L
Tatrin, M W
Taylor, Jack L
Taylor, Hadley L
Tepper, Michele L
Tetreault, Brian L
Thighs, Miss American L
Thomas, C.D. L
Thompson, Julie L
Timms, George L
Townsend, Jet L
Tracy, Jen L
Turiel, Josh W
Twomey, Patrick L
Underhill, Amanda W
Underwood, Madison L
Upton, Donna L
Van Dyne-Evans, Jessica L
Van Noordennen, Pieter L
Vanmatre, Jennifer L
Vanoss, Ilyssa L
Velez, Julie L
Vertino, Dave L
Vetter, Katie L
Vitale, Joe L
Volschenk, Donné L
Voss, Michael W
Wade, Sonja L
Wahl, Ferris L
Walls, Mathew L
Ward, J Robin L
Ward, Terence L
Ward, Daniel L
Webb, Barbara L
Weber, Kendra W
Wenk, Sarah L
Wenk, Conor W
Wenk, Conor W
Werlein, Christine L
Wertz, Christine L
Wessel Walker, Donna L
White, Libby L
White, Audrey L
White, Brian L
Whitton, Audra L
Wiedemann, Heidi L
Wilhoit, Pam W
Willett, Lindsay L
Williams, Raymond L
Wilson, Molly L
Wilson, Jason L
Winter, Stacy L
Wise, Newton L
Wojick, Jane W
Wolfisch Cole, Terry L
Wood, Cameo L
Woodruff, Katie L
Woods, Zach L
Woods, Mary L
Wright, Sarah L
Wright, Patrick W
Wright, Diana W
Wuellner, Jane L
Wyeth, Allison L
Wyght, Deborah W
X, Joey L
Young, Tamara L
Zevin, Richie L
Zezzo, Nicole L
Zions, Jason W
Zoccola, Dianne L