Many thanks to Ms. Julia Skochko, a veteran LDBCer who went out too soon, but gave us some giggles in the process. The kids are all right. And sometimes parents should listen to them to avoid getting the entire family mowed down.

Friends, Facebookians, Drummer-Dodgers: it is with profound sorrow that I must inform you of our family’s elimination. A scant eighteen hours passed betwixt the start of the challenge and our downfall (Nov. 26th, 6 pm). I can scarcely bear to write it, but it was my own hubris that sealed our fate.

“Let’s go to the Christkindlmart in Bethlehem!”, I said. “There’ll be ice carvers, and glittery pinecones, and mulled cider ‘n’ shit!”

The children protested, bless them (“No! We wanna play Minecraft and smear Cheese Doodle dust on everything you love!”). We arrived, and still they attempted to save us (“This sucks! Let’s leave and try to startle the ice carver while he’s using his chainsaw!”).

Alas, the poor dears’ efforts were for naught: a fusillade of drumbeats felled us moments later as we supped in the Court of Foods. Even eggnog rice pudding and zesty Cuban flatbread taste like ashes in one’s mouth after such a horror.

Be not like me, friends. Arrogance is as useless as a glitter pinecone when contending with this Boy.