No reason for us here at LDBC Central to do all the work hog the limelight when our terrified devoted community has so many harrowing delightful tales to tell. So here’s one, and more are on the way. First up: Shamela Andrews, with a rollickin’ report on what not to do before she’s had her caffeine. Enjoy, and keep your posts a-comin’. We’ll continue to highlight our favorites.

(SCENE: Time—7:55 a.m. Place—a local coffee drive-through. SHAMELA groggily pulls up. Bouncy, chipper CO-EDs #1 and #2 are staffing the joint. SHAM turns down her Freakonomics podcast to place her order.)

CO-ED 1: Gooood morning! What can I get you today? (with huge smile)

SHAM: (yawns) Sixteen-ounce peppermint mocha, please.

CO-ED 1: Okay! That will be $3.25!

SHAM: (hands CO-ED 1 $5 and her frequent buyer card)

CO-ED 1: (to CO-ED 2): Sixteen-ounce peppermint mocha!

CO-ED 2: Sixteen-ounce peppermint mocha coming up. OH HEY! We need to turn on the Christmas music!

CO-ED 1: Oh! Yes! (reaches towards iPod dock)

(Regular time slows to BULLET TIME. CO-ED 1 is reaching in slo-mo.)

SHAM: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

(SHAM is suddenly 3 stories tall, with hair writhing like snakes, lasers shooting out of her eyes, claws for hands with pointy knives as nails, a black nimbus cloud around her head, and her face is melting off like that guy in Indiana Jones. CO-EDs 1 and 2 register shock and awe and pants-pissing fear. Time speeds back up. CO-ED 1 snatches her hand away from iPod deck as if burned.)

CO-ED 1: (wide-eyed, skittish) O…kay… (takes several steps back)

(SHAM is herself again. Pats her hair down, clears throat. CO-EDs 1 and 2 avoid making eye contact. CO-ED 1 hands the coffee gingerly out the window.)

SHAM: (brightly, graciously) Thanks! Keep the change.

STILL IN.