The 12 Days of Christmas Songs Worse than LDB: Neil Diamond’s Cherry Cherry Christmas

Neil Diamond Cherry Cherry Christmas
Have a very merry, cherry cherry, holly holy, rock and rolly Christmas this year.

In 2009, Neil Diamond mashed a whole bunch of his old song lyrics with some hackneyed descriptions of snow and magic holiday times. The result is this song. The children in the video look perplexed—but aren’t confused children what Christmas is all about? — Mrs. LDBC

The 12 Days of Christmas Songs Worse than LDB: Paul McCartney’s Wonderful Christmastime

Paul McCartney Wonderful Christmas Time
Say, did I happen to mention that I’m having a wonderful Christmastime?

Sir Paul is simply having a wonderful Christmastime. Which he feels the need to tell you about once every three seconds, backed by the dulcet tones of the Sequential Circuits Prophet-5 synthesizer. Between this and “Helen Wheels,” Sir Paul might need to have his knighthood rescinded. — Mrs. LDBC

The 12 Days of Christmas Songs Worse than LDB: The Cheeky Girls’ Boys and Girls (Christmas Time Love)

Cheeky Girls
Stay frosty: The Cheeky Girls and their frozen pal

The Cheeky Girls originally hail from Transylvania. Despite its title, this “song” (I use the term loosely) has about as much to do with Christmas as Vlad the Impaler. — Mrs. LDBC

The 12 Days of Christmas Songs Worse than LDB: Hall & Oates’s Jingle Bell Rock

Hall & Oates Christmas
Yule be sorry: Daryl, John & guests at the party of the damned

It’s Daryl & John’s rockin’ Christmas party! The duo begin the celebration by bopping woodenly around the room for a spell, and Oates emotes as if his life depended on it—which it very well may have. The pair receive some Yuletide guests, including Minnie Pearl, and turn away other revelers. Then, Baba Booey Oates and an elderly gentleman tussle over a frozen turkey, and Minnie gets a guitar as a gift. Finally, Old St. Nick appears in a puff of smoke, the rejected revelers have now joined the fun, and there’s an impromptu holiday jam session. Christmas in the ’80s was not for the faint of heart, my friends. — Mrs. LDBC

The 12 Days of Christmas Songs Worse than LDB: Up on Santa Claus Mountain

This month, we’re kicking off a brand-spanking-new series here at LDBC Central, just to keep LDBCers’ spirits from flagging during the fearful Season of the Drum: The 12 Days of Christmas Songs Worse than LDB. For our inaugural post, here’s a Christmas tune that’s the aural equivalent of a Thomas Kinkade painting—Lorrie Morgan’s “Up on Santa Claus Mountain.” A mountain I never, ever want to scale, judging by the terrifying description of what goes on there. — Mrs. LDBC