Day 15: ‘What the Tinsel-Bedecked Hell?’

Laura Scandura Rea and Heather Cvitkovic McGregor’s rightfully cautious son

“The power of The Challenge compels you!”

For Laura Scandura Rea, it’s that mantra, aural protection, and a watchful googly-eyed tree. For Heather Cvitkovic McGregor, it involves carefully separating the Boy ornament from the other decorations and never putting him on the tree. (“My kids and I take the challenge very seriously,” she stresses.)

Whatever your precaution or talisman, LDBCers, hew faithfully to it. It’s all you’ve got. If your friends mock you, avoid them until midnight on Dec. 23rd. Better yet, get new friends. Reckless dummies like that are bound to damage you one way or another, game or no game.

Even if you exercise perfect discipline, it may not help you:

‘Wait, what?!’ said my son. ‘Are we still out?’

What I said to him: ‘Yes, son. We’re still out. It’s very sad, I know. But it’s important to be honest with ourselves—and with the world.’

What I thought to myself: ‘What the tinsel-bedecked hell? We only heard ten seconds of the freaking song! What kind of hellish dreamscape is this? Is Lars von Trier going to leap out from behind a stack of lawn and leaf bags at any moment?!”

Despite this great blow, we have soldiered on, bloodied but unbowed. J.Q. directed his attention to the list of Things He Really, Really Wants From Home Depot. (Grout sealant! An oscillating belt sander!) I myself focused on Christmas songs that I hate more than “Little Drummer Boy.”

After all, we only get one go-round on this crazy celestial ornament called Earth. We can spend our time gnashing our teeth and cursing The Boy. Or we can accept our losses, smile, and fantasize about leaving a flaming sleigh full of pig manure on the lawn of the guy who wrote “My Grown-Up Christmas List.” — Julia Skochko

More than 350 of our people have joined Ms. Skochko and her spawn in being wished into The Boy’s cornfield. Their faces are below. And if you just can’t get enough of that sort of thing, here are more. (What are you, some kind of ghoul? What’s with you?)

And remember, please: should you join them—or should you find yourself still standing when this thing is through—report in via the official LDBC form.

Until then, stay strong. It can’t rain all the time.

For Craig!

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